22 Stages Every Girl Goes Through With A Fake Tan

For all the effort it takes out of us, here are the 22 stages every girl goes through when they hit the bottle – of fake tan, that is.

If only achieving a golden tan didn't mean smelling like bad sunscreen and messing up your bed sheets. For all the effort it takes out of us, here are the 22 stages every girl goes through when they hit the bottle – of fake tan applicator, that is. Because believe it or not, being orange doesn't come naturally to us.

1. You dedicate a night to this sh*t

You don't make any plans for the next 10 hours simply because you want a night in by yourself to apply your fake tan in private. And if we're being honest, you wanna wrap your hair in a towel turban, sing into the hairbrush and soak your feet in lukewarm water. With bubbles.

2. The face

We don't even know where to start. So we swipe, we dab and then we put on some more. Until we look like this...

22 Stages Every Girl Goes Through With A Fake Tan
netmums.com

3. You forget to grease your elbows

The part when you're supposed to apply moisturizer or barrier cream to your dry patches? Yeah, we never do that.

4. You slap it on

There's only so much damage control you can do when armed with bottle and a mitt. Slap it on and hope for the best.

5. You can NEVER do your back

And it's usually slightly shameful to ask someone else for help with this, are we right? (They'd probably just mess it up, anyway.)

6. The leg shave

Damnit. We couldn't resist. And now our leg pores are all open and big and stuff.

22 Stages Every Girl Goes Through With A Fake Tan
Pinterest/guyism.com

7. You only self-tan exposed skin

You know when you just paint the two or three toes you can actually see in your peep toe pumps? Same goes for tanning. If you can't see it, don't bother.

8. The mess

You're going to spill it. It's going to happen.

9. You smell like...

If you're lucky, you smell like either sunscreen or coconuts. If you're not, you'll smell like cat p**s. There's really no telling which way it will go.

10. The massive f*ck up

Admit it, you got impatient with the whole thing and applied the 'instant' like it was 'gradual' and now you're glued to your mirror trying not to scream. WHEN. WILL. IT. STOP.

11. Your dad acts awkward

He doesn't know what to say to you that won't sound offensive, so he just makes the awkward face. No questions asked.

22 Stages Every Girl Goes Through With A Fake Tan
pesto28.tumblr.com

12. Your hands don't look like skin anymore

Ain't got no time to be messing around with toothpaste and lemon juice. We'll take the orange hands, thanks.

13. The bedsheets

Your fresh, white linen sheets are now a lovely shade of St. Tropez. Oh, and they stink. And look like you had an accident. Great.

14. You can't sleep

Duvet on, kick duvet off, repeat. It's sticky, you feel gross, you smell gross. Ugh, remind us why we did this again?

15. The morning after

*Rush to the mirror* How do I look? We'd cry if it didn't make our tans run.

16. The oompa loompa

'Just one more coat on my face,' she said. Famous last words. When should we have stopped?

22 Stages Every Girl Goes Through With A Fake Tan
nosferatuetanga.tumblr.com

17. The shower

It's shower number four and yet you still smell like a human pastry.

18. The streaks

We were sure we applied it as evenly as humanly possible but somehow we now look like we've got a skin condition all over our legs. Zebras are in right now, right?

19. The teeth

You overdid it, but it's fine because your teeth look extra white now. #faketanfail

22 Stages Every Girl Goes Through With A Fake Tan
friends-cafe.tumblr.com

20. You missed a spot

Damn you, white armpits. It's fine, we'll just dance with our arms by our sides all night.

21. You don't moisturize

You swear that THIS TIME you'll remember to moisturize every day. But of course you don't, so you start to flake and peel. Nice. Time to start scrubbing it off yet?

22. It rains

Typical.

Originally published by Lareese Craig

A staff account at Livingly Media - the home of zimbio.com, stylebistro.com, lonny.com, and livingly.com.
Comments