6 Ways to Change Your Dating Life, Even If You’re Afraid
Making simple changes to your dating strategy can go a long way.
You haven’t made a substantial connection with a love interest in awhile. You feel like you have tried everything to shake up your dating life, but nothing works.
So, it might be time to consider abandoning your approach. It’s like that age-old saying goes, “If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always got.”
But you don’t need to move cities, undergo a makeover, or sink mega bucks into therapy sessions (most of the time). Instead, consider these six simple changes that can potentially change your love life outlook:
1. Change Your Hangout Spot
Try abandoning the bar for your top place to meet a potential mate. It really doesn’t offer ideal conditions to meet someone, let alone get to know them. And there’s loud music and too much alcohol.
Instead, get involved in your community or in a hobby. For example, you could attend an accounting or investing course, a beginner cooking class, a snowboarding or skiing class or even a coed city sports league. You could also start volunteering for a local non-profit or political group. The place doesn’t need to be fancy or exceptional. What matters is that the place and activity provide a common and shared interest and a connection to your day-to-day life.
2. Change Your Self-Love Routine
It's important to make time for self-care every day. It may seem like an indulgence (or like too much effort), but it can truly help you in your dating life. It isn’t about putting on heaps of make-up or removing all body hair, either — it’s about simply paying attention to yourself.
A study by Fordham University and Revlon found that committing a single personal care task a day can boost emotional state and increase openness to love. This leads to cultivating more appreciation for yourself, which then translates into positive energy and a manifestation of more kindness — and more flirting. So you do you, okay?
3. Change How You See Your Friends
Friends aren’t off limits, and why should they be? You obviously like hanging out with them. You also probably have shared interests, and you have built a solid connection with them. Friendships can build a good foundation for sturdy relationships.
Plus, being friends before romantic attachment happens increases attraction between the pair. According to research out of the University of Texas at Austin, a person's appeal rises the more familiar you are with them.
4. Change How You Interact
Shut your mouth and open your ears. Seriously, it’s that simple.
When you do have a date, focus on being a good listener and resist the temptation to come up with witty comebacks. If you can attentively listen, your attractiveness increases. All you have to do is — well, nothing. By listening, you show you are interested in what the other person is sharing and that you are mindful of them.
This also means putting your phone away. Don’t be like everyone else out there and let your phone consume your relationship. Learn how to get rid of any anxiety you may be having and have a conversation with your special someone. A REAL conversation. Yes, that means you need to look them in the eyes! Even if you still are in that “getting butterflies” phase, don’t hide yourself in your phone to avoid any discomfort you may be having. A little eye contact goes a long way.
5. Change Your Approach to Online Dating
There’s no harm in using online dating services and apps, but the key is to not get trapped sitting in front of technology instead of an actual living, breathing person.
Force yourself to push away from the safety of your computer, tablet or smartphone and engage in real life. Make a plan, set a date and go on an outing. That will be best way to meet people and gauge if you have a connection.
6. Change Shyness to Bravery
Decide to approach someone you find attractive, instead of waiting for them to figure out you’re interested. It can be scary and intimidating, but what do you have to lose? You won’t get a chance to date them if one of you doesn’t take a risk and ask.
Try to make eye contact, and then smile as you approach. Even if you can’t catch their eye, go meet them anyway. More often than not, you'll be glad you did.