What Being Single Taught Me About Myself
When you break up, you lose a partner but oftentimes you find yourself.
I have been single for roughly nine months now. Obviously, this isn’t the first time I’ve been single, but because I was married before being single this time around, I honestly didn’t think I would have to be single again. Being single isn’t a bad thing, of course; it’s just different.
So, as I man this single ship, once again, here’s what being single this time around has taught me about myself.
1. I’m still pretty damn fearless.
Before I met my last partner, I was fearless. I was never afraid to do anything alone or to do anything at all really. I could go into fancy restaurants for dinner solo, travel the world by myself, and just do my thing without any qualms. In these past few months, I’ve realized I’m still fearless… and to prove it to myself I took off to Southeast Asia by myself a couple weeks ago, because why the hell not?
2. I enjoy sleeping alone.
Although I already knew this when I was in my relationship, now it's different. I don't just enjoy sleeping alone, but I enjoy falling asleep alone, reading in bed before I go to sleep alone, and waking up alone without having to crawl out from under the weight of someone's leg. I enjoy spending all day Sunday in bed alone with my magazines and coffee, and not having to speak or listen to a single soul.
3. I feel an inexplicable feeling of freedom.
I realize that many people feel the heavy burden that comes with the loss of a relationship, but I feel free. Of course, there were some painful months there, but I genuinely feel free. My future will be defined by the choices I make for myself and myself alone.
4. I’m an amazing date.
I am a phenomenal date! I take myself to the opera, to museums, to the best restaurants in town, AND I always get the expensive wine, because I know I deserve it. (I'm also not a cheap date.)
5. I don’t need someone else to make me happy.
Honestly, I’ve known this one my whole life. I’ve also been comfortable being single, but I guess after being married and initially being so happy with him and feeling at one point, I could never be happier, it’s nice to know that I can still be just as happy, if not more happy, on my own. Actually, probably happiest.
6. I’m at my best when I have no drama in my life.
Relationships are full of drama. Even the ones that we think are perfect and stable. As a person who’s just naturally drawn to drama, I have enough drama in my day-to-day (WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU TOOK THE LAST OF THE COFFEE?! I’M GOING TO FLIP THIS TABLE NOW!), so having a little bit less of it is good for me. Keeps me on a more even note.
7. I needed this.
What being single has taught me about myself most of all is that I needed this. I really did. I was banging my head against the wall in that relationship and never getting anywhere. I was hoping for a man to change who wasn’t going to change. Ever. He was literally a weight around my neck and a prison without a window to see the sun. And, because I loved him, I hung on too long; longer than I ever should have. So as I sit here, single as can be, I know that I not only needed this, but I earned this.