The seventh episode of Ben The Bachelor was all about facing fears. From Lindzi jumping out of a helicopter, to Rachel swimming with sharks, to Emily being forced to walk barefoot through the streets of Belize, before being smuggled onto a lobster fishing boat and chucked into the water, armed with only a spindly snaring hook to defend herself from the creatures waiting below. Even the Bachelor himself came up against a phobia: "One of my fears is being with a woman who I like, but ultimately, people don't."
Well welcome to your own personal Fright Night Ben, because that call is coming from inside the house.
Yes Courtney’s circle of hate was completed in episode seven, with Nikki joining the anti-model crusade, and even mild mannered Kasey B. being reduced to anger management exercises in which she imagined Courtney to be a squashable bug. But as with a Disney villain, the animosity only made C stronger.
There were warning signs aplenty – from Courtney’s revelation that she only has guy friends, to practicing her "kill shot" for the camera, to her hyperbolic rose-smelling, to her worrying propensity for lapsing into baby voice, to her disquieting comfort and first-name-basis with tarantulas, to the most alarming offense of all: Alleging there are men in the world other than Ben. It was almost too much for poor Emily to believe: "Did she say Ben's not the only guy in the world?" she whispered, horrified, before repeating: "She said Ben’s not the only guy in the world." Not Cool.
It was all leading up to the much-heralded moment when Ben would unmask Courtney for the villain she was, and send her on her way. Only things turned all anticlimax in a The Monster at the End of this Book kind of way, because guess what? Ben's big faceoff pre-rose ceremony was just to reconfirm that Courtney’s allergy to the rest of the house was a two-way street, before asking to meet her family. (In the guy’s defense, maybe he’s interested in meeting people who ostensibly like Courtney?)
The ladies' fashion choices in Episode Seven were similarly non-eventful. Rachel's rose
ceremony accessory, a feather-headdress-as-earring, made our hearts beat slightly faster, but it all felt very seen-it-before at Coachella. Courtney’s silky turquoise rose ceremony cocktail dress featured a sultry crisscross detail in the back, but it was hardly exciting in a Terry the Mayan Temple Arachnid kind of way. Amidst a sea of generic island maxidresses, we longed for highs and lows – where was the Blakely-approved lady of the nightwear? The high-fashion, blink-and-you’ll-miss-it-due-to-little-or-no-camera-time ready to wear a la Casey S.? If anything, Lindzi’s if-you-wear-it-he-will-think-it-too “I’m in Love T-shirt” was the high sartorial point of the show.
There, we said it. Despite its fairy tale beginning, complete with a vague, George Washington-esque “eternal promise” not to tell a lie scrawled on a message in a bottle (and its instant replay in Super 8), this Bachelor installment left us feeling unfulfilled.
We never thought we’d say it, but we miss David Gray.