10 Thoughts Everybody Has Watching 'Full House'
These are the things that made the sitcom a classic.
You may have heard the EXCELLENT news that Netflix is making dreams come true by rebooting Full House. Although Uncle Jesse, DJ, Stephanie and Kimmy Gibbler are the only ones officially signed on for the remake, we are saying a prayer to the sitcom gods that the rest of the gang signs on as well. Let's hope the Netflix version, Fuller House, doesn't forget about crucial characters like hot Steve.
1. It's full of innuendo
It's like the time I rewatched Grease in middle school and thought holy sh*t how did I not realize that the entire movie is basically about sex, and not about star-crossed lovers whatsoever? Well, Full House evokes a similar reaction when you rewatch episodes on Nick at Nite and it occurs to you that even young Michelle's dialogue was chock full of references to everybody in the Tanner family getting laid.
2. You wanted to be Aunt Becky when you grew up
Aunt Becky was hot, she got to bang total babe Uncle Jesse and her hair was always on point. So I didn't grow up wanting to be the next Oprah, I without a doubt wanted to be Aunt Becky: to look good in high-waisted mom jeans and get pregnant with a D-list rocker's twins and move into his room in the basement with this entire family. I mean just look at them, #relationshipgoals
3. How did DJ get her hair that high?
DJ Tanner had the misfortune of having to play the painfully insecure first-born of the Tanner family. She was constantly thinking she was fat (remember when she passed out at the gym?) and would do stupid things like read car magazines to get guys to like her. I mean honestly, who pretends they like things they don't just to get a guy to like them? Okay, so I do that all the time, but whatever. Anywho, one of DJ's greatest characteristics was without a doubt her hair. She had the same haircut bossy moms who ALWAYS need to speak to the manager at a Wal Mart, and she totally rocked it. How did she get it so high? How long did it take to grow out those wispy bangs? So many questions.
4. Uncle Jesse was a smokeshow
As an adult, I have given myself a major pat on the back for realizing at such a young age that John Stamos is HOT. Even through the mullet, Elvis impressions and living in the basement till he was 40, I could STILL tell that Uncle Jesse was smoking hot and there was no doubt he was going to age well. So hats off to 10-year-old me for my impeccable taste in men. Have you seen him lately in those Greek yogurt commercials? Mother may I.
5. Steve was HOT
Besides Prince Eric in The Little Mermaid, I also attribute my sexual awakening to DJ's brutally hot boyfriend, Steve. Steve was stupid and clingy and didn't exactly have a promising future, but his hair and cheekbones were that of the gods. He was the high school boyfriend you always dreamed you would have when you were older (most of us ended up dating the guy who played 2nd chair flute in the marching band), and lucky for us, he actually is still pretty hot for an old guy.
6. There's a Danny Tanner in every group
Danny Tanner was the most dad-dressing, dad-looking, TV dad out there. He had goofy hair and was constantly worrying about his family to the point where you wanted to hand him a scotch and tell him to chill the eff out. There is one of these in every friend group, and as annoying as they can be, when they remind you to set your clocks back for daylight savings so you don't show up late for work, or hold back your hair after a long night out on the town, you are so grateful there's a Danny Tanner in your life.
7. Stephanie was mostly good for her one liners
In classic middle child fashion, Stephanie Tanner was constantly whining, snooping on her siblings and starved for attention. However, in a show full of cheesy dialogue and family values, Stephanie had some of the best comebacks on the show.
Oh no she didn't!
8. Kimmy Gibbler was secretly the voice of reason
Every TV show has the character that pops in to give a little perspective on the ridiculous situations sitcoms find themselves in. For Friends it was barista Gunther, for Home Improvement it was Wilson from over the fence, and for Fresh Prince it was the butler, Geoffrey. Kimmy Gibbler and her questionable hairstyles played that role for Full House. Even though her feet stank, she was constantly single and her wardrobe looked like something somebody tripping on acid picked out at Goodwill, she kept everybody in place. She gave DJ confidence when she was down, she told Stephanie when to STFU, and she sassed Michelle when everybody else was scared to. Long live Kimmy Gibbler and her scrunchie wisdom!
9. It's the only classic American family without a creepy dad
Looking back, Full House is one of the only classic American families that still has its role model status intact. Bob Saget has managed to stretch out his stint as patriarch into a bestselling book and some hilarious cameos in films like Half Baked and Entourage. So kudos to the ultimate dad and his ability to keep the Tanner family intact, out of jail (minus Stephanie's brief meth addiction), and relevant long enough for all of us to be super pumped about a Netflix reboot.
10. Michelle was EVERYTHING
Now that we've run through everything we love about Full House, let's get down to the REAL reason we all watched the show for eight years: Michelle Tanner. I have absolutely no problem saying that Michelle Tanner is my spirit animal. I am still convinced she was a single, 22-year-old party girl stuck in a child version of the Olsen twins. Michelle liked attention, being sassy and eating, which means we're basically the same person. If the Olsen twins, who I actually happen to think are extremely talented actresses, don't return for the Full House reboot I will be devastated.
Originally published by Dagney Pruner