Everyone ready for episode eight? Let's do this!
Since it's called "The Crash," and it opens with Ken Cosgrove driving some drunk, unruly, gun-wielding Chevy execs around as they scream at him and cover his eyes (!!!), I'm assuming the worst. But no! Ken is fine, as it turns out. Kind of. More on him later.
Onto Don Draper, wearing a fedora, smoking outside of Sylvia's apartment like a creep.
At SCDP's morning meeting, Ken has bad news — Chevy didn't like the agency's proposals.
Don is like, one Manhattan away from holding a boom box outside of Sylvia's window. She calls him at work to tell him to stop lurking in her hallway. Sigh. Stalking is really not a good look for Don.
After the phone call, Don smashes some liquor bottles in his office, and then has a coughing fit.
And...now it's time for a whorehouse flashback! The producers like to stick these in after every scene between Don and a woman, to remind us why he can't interact with them.
Blonde Betty! Betty is blonde again! And...Betty-like. Here is an exchange between her and Sally:
Betty: "Where did you get that skirt?"
Sally: "I earned it."
Betty: "On what street corner?"
Fred Gleason, of Cutter, Gleason and Chaough, has died of pancreatic cancer. "Gotta get used to it, and stop thinking about it," Roger Sterling, master of sympathy, says.
There's a doctor at SCDP, administering shots of a mysterious drug that provides "24 hours of uninterrupted energy and confidence." So...adderall? This is where things start to get very Fear and Loathing at Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce.
After dropping trou so Doctor Beard can inject him with speed, basically, Don immediately enters another flashback. He's back at the whorehouse, sick with the flu, and a prostitute named Amy is feeding him soup. "You can never have too many whorehouse flashbacks!" Matthew Weiner says, every week.
Peggy, Stan, and Ginsberg are bouncing Chevy slogans off of each other, and tripping balls, it seems. "Dad, I could be dying in Vietnam, can I have a car?" is one. "Son, you can fly til you're high as a elephant's eye," is another.
"The timbre of my voice is as important as the content of my ideas," Don says to Ken. Good observation! Ken...is kind of losing it. He is so sick of working on the Chevy campaign, and entertaining the Chevy execs that he channels his frustration into a manic tap dance-and-rant routine. It's kind of like that scene in She's All That, when Freddie Prinze Junior gets onstage at that performance art space, and he's like "Hack...eee...sack. Never...let...it...drop." Anyway, Ken tap dancing!
Don has an idea, inspired by his whorehouse soup. So he tells Peggy to go through the archives and find a certain soup at from 1958 or 1959. Peggy is not your secretary anymore, Don!
There is a woman named Wendy in SCDP, doing I Ching readings. She sneaks into Don's office, wearing multiple paisleys, and asks him to think of a question. "Does someone love me? That's everyone's question," she says.
Sally, Bobby, and Gene are at their dad's place, and Megan is about to go to a play with her agent. So she convinces Sally to babysit by bribing her with a new pair of boots.
PEGGY AND STAN MAKING OUT. PEGGY AND STAN MAKING OUT!!! I thought she was into Ted?
Sally is in bed reading Rosemary's Baby, which seems like the worst thing to read when you're 14 and your parents have left you home alone. Then! A stranger walks in the front door! "I'm your grandma," the stranger says. "Come over here, give a hug to your grandma Ida." Ahh! Grandma Ida is giving me major anxiety. Brb, checking my locks.
Back to the whorehouse again. Amy, the prostitute who was taking care of flashback Don while he was sick, sidles up next to him in bed. "Do you like girls?" she asks. Oof. So, Don's first sexual encounter was...not consensual, it seems.
Uh-oh. Bobby is up, and he just spotted Grandma Ida. "Who's she?" he says. Sally tries to call the police, but Ida swoops in and puts a stop to it.
Inspirational Don Speech Time: "How do I capture her imagination? With a sentence, maybe two." He's talking about Sylvia and Chevy. And also Twitter.
Oh, look. Stan and Wendy having sex.
Don opens the door to his apartment to find Megan, Betty, and the police. "Some elderly negro woman held your children hostage and robbed you blind," Betty says. Then Don faints.
"This is gibberish. Chevy is spelled wrong," Ted says of the Chevy copy the strung-out team came up with over the weekend.
And...that's it! This week's episode was sort of...sputtering and strange, right? Like a really extended "Next time, on Mad Men." What did you think?