'The Client List' Season 2, Episode 5 Recap - 'Hell on Heels'


Aaaand we're back for episode five of the second series of The Client List. So far this has been sort of a slow-moving season. Let's see, Kyle is still in jail, where he's been awaiting trial since episode one; Evan and Riley are still on shaky ground, because Riley is still torn, because Riley is still married; Riley's mom Lynette is still poking around being mom-ish and sort of irrelevant; Lacey and Dale are still the sideshow couple and this week they get a little bit of spotlight. Let's dig into episode five, shall we? We call this the episode the slow and awkward episode... mostly because not a lot happens in this episode, but what does is really kind of awkward. Here goes...

To pageant or not to pageant, that is the question: A huge amount of time this episode is spent debating whether or not Riley's daughter Katie should enter a mother-daughter beauty pageant. See, Riley was once a pageant girl—she even won Miss Texas Heartland one year!—but now, as a grown-up, she really want to be known for her inner beauty and her brain. Or something. Every single episode of this show has random characters talking about how pretty she is. It's kind of awkward. Is a mandatory "You're so pretty" shout-out written into Jennifer Love Hewitt's contract?

Anyway, spoiler, Riley and Katie wind up competing in the pageant against Riley's arch-nemesis Taylor—who just found out her husband is cheating on her and is also wearing a fluffy pink ballgown that lights up. The best part of the entire episode actually happens at the pageant when Riley and Katie perform their own version of "Bust a Move" wearing astronaut outfits. Yes, Jennifer Love Hewitt rapped. For this, they win Best Personality Princess.

Lacey and Dale get a plot line: Besides being Riley's confidant and unwavering BFF, what else do you think Lacey does in her free time? Turns out, she and Dale have been doing a lot of boinking, trying to get pregnant. But it's not working. So the two head to a fertility specialist. And Lacey tries to get Dale to drink green juice to boost his sperm count. At the fertility clinic, Dale can't muster up ah, ahem, sample, so Lacey helps him. When the results come back, they find out that Lacey's eggs aren't working properly and they have less than 10 percent chance of conceiving.

Evan the perfect boyfriend who would never exist IRL: Meanwhile, the profundity and sincerity of Evan's true love for Riley can't be suppressed, even though Dale advises him to stop pressuring her and play a little hard-to-get. One night, he comes over, and while he's leaving, gives her a goodbye smooch. Riley's daughter, Katie, spots them making out and totally freaks.

SPOILER: Riley breaks up with Evan because she's still married to Kyle and doesn't want to be a hypocrite to her kids.

Meanwhile at The Rub: Selena is flirting with Derek, Derek drops his pants and shows her his, ahem. Riley gets a new client, the 18-year-old virgin son of one of her regulars, J.D. Whitman. "They all have sessions before heading off to college," he tells her. Meanwhile, Nikki's accounting professor lands on her table for a "naughty schoolgirl massage." Awkward! Also awkward? One of the pageant judges is a regular at The Rub. We learn that he likes to be handcuffed.

That's all for this week. Will next week move the plot forward a bit more? Tune in here to find out. And just in case you missed any of our previous recaps, check them out right here at our The Client List dedicated page.

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