61 Thoughts You Have While Binge-Watching 'Stranger Things 2'
Steve's hair is really important. Just saying.
If there's one thing we can all agree on, it's that Stranger Things 2 was undoubtedly well worth the wait. And now, as we're all sitting here bemoaning the loss of the deliciously campy, thoroughly entertaining, and yes, definitively strange show in our lives once more, I'm going to tell you exactly what I thought of Season 2. And I mean, really, at this point my heart feels like a Demo-Dog missing its beloved nougat (or something). I fully plan on binge-watching the entire season over again immediately, and I'm hopefully probably definitely not the only one. Am I right or am I right, people?
So, without further ado, I give you a running list of inane and most certainly sleep-deprived thoughts I had while binge-watching the second season of everyone's favorite Netflix show.
And obviously: Major spoilers ahead.
1. I know I'm not the only person recovering in bed from my Friday night Halloweekend outings while watching this. All. Day. Long.
2. *Stranger Things theme starts playing* I may or may not be physically restraining myself from jumping up and down in excitement right now. It's casual.
3. STRANGER THINGS STRANGER THINGS STRANGER THINGS
4. Whoa. I'm already completely shook by this action-packed car chase sequence. WHAT IS HAPPENING.
5. Oh, and not to mention the appearance of this seriously badass, mind-melding, powerful telepathic mastermind who throws down on the cops by convincing them a bridge has collapsed.
6. Wha–– How–– Man, I wish I had superpowers.
7. Moving right along to Mad Max. The long red hair! The cool California-girl outfits! The skateboard! And by far the best part? The merciless teasing of our favorite sweet and nerdy little group of stalkers friends!
8. Also, Billy Hargrove. See: The most gloriously campy intro scene there ever was.
9. Wait, but really, how could anyone have ever styled their hair like the villainous Billy? I know, I know, the show is set in the '80s, and that ridiculously floppy mullet (*shudder*) was actually modeled after actor Rob Lowe's, but still, I have questions.
10. Kind of into the super-tight jeans, though. Okay, who are we kidding, v into the super-tight jeans.
11. Speaking of fashion –– let's talk about the boys' matching Ghostbusters outfits. Because I couldn't stop giggling when I saw them. So perfect. (And the Venkman argument was telling, so kudos to the Duffer bros for that working that aside in.)
12. THERE'S OUR GIRL EL! Digging the luscious new 'do, boo.
13. So Eleven's like a daughter to Sheriff Hopper, and of course he wants to protect her from "bad men"-induced harm, but does anyone else think it's a colossally bad idea for good old Hops to have custody of an emotionally traumatized preteen with supercharged telekinetic abilities?
14. And to keep her cooped up like that, no matter that it's for her own safety?
15. No? Just me?
16. Meanwhile, watching Nancy guzzle spiked punch at Tina's high school Halloween party is akin to seeing an actual train wreck happen. In slow motion, natch.
17. Oooh, girl. You know this is gonna be bad.
18. Okay, so we get that you're still feeling guilty over the death of your friend, Nance (NEVER FORGET #JusticeForBarb), but that's no reason to have led Steve on for ages if you really didn't reciprocate his feelings post-shared trauma.
19. Yeah, we're Team Steve on this one (despite the fact that he left Nancy alone, and clearly extremely inebriated, at the party). Sorry.
20. Although it was very sweet of Jonathan to carry Nancy home like that. And to tuck her into bed. *sigh*
21. Still doesn't change his status as a creeper, though.
22. The Wheelers are really not very good parents, are they? I mean, hello –– where are you while your daughter gets lugged home while passed out drunk by the guy who took unsolicited photos of her in her bra?
23. On another note, am I the only one who thinks Dustin is the cutest thing to ever exist?
24. "CAN’T RESIST THESE PEARLS"? NO, WE LITERALLY CANNOT. OMFG.
25. Nor can we resist the urge to shriek at the freakish, chittering little creature Dustin ensnares in his garbage can. Ugh.
26. Poor Will. Just poor, poor Will. Can he ever catch a break? Maybe even, dare we say, lead a normal and non-possessed life –– I mean, really, what is it with extraterrestrial demons having it out for the kid?
27. And what would Will even do without Joyce's spot-on motherly intuition, though? There's a reason Winona Ryder is an undisputed star of the show, after all. In fact, last season's iconic blinking Christmas lights communication aside, she's the real MVP for realizing the monstrous figure in the sky from Will's vision is fact, not fiction.
28. And this is solely derived from static-y '80s home video footage, no less. Imagine.
29. And now, we lament the sheer enormity of Sheriff Hopper's out-of-this-world stupidity. Two words for you, Hopper: WHAT EVEN.
30. It's hard to believe what we're seeing as Hopper essentially walks into the lion's –– er, demon's den –– completely on his own, without telling anyone. It's a good thing Will is pretty much the Midwest version of Harry Potter and can Legilimens, I mean Truesight, his location from the mind of the mothership. Because, really, we thought better of you, Hops.
31. Laughably, this is when Bob the Brain gets his time to shine –– and prove he's more than just that loser we all know who never left his hometown and now works at Radio Shack. Go, Bob, go!
32. Now on to Steve Harrington and his hair. Oh, the hair.
33. Wait, no, seriously. THE HAIR.
34. Not sure if there could possibly be anything cuter than the budding friendship between a high school jock with a heart of gold and an adorable nerd who's only just had his front teeth (*cough* pearls *cough*) come in? NOPE.
35. This is when it really gets good, in true Stranger Things fashion. Steve offers himself up as bait! The boys fortify the old abandoned school bus we fondly remember from Season 1! Dart finally reappears –– with a whole new crew of vicious Demo-Dogs –– in a swirl of appropriately moody foggy weather!
36. Anyone else think Dart and the Demo-Dogs would be a great band name?
37. While Steve and the boys quake in imminent danger, Nancy and Jonathan are, of course, getting down in the bunker. That's cool, I guess.
38. Anyway, back to the important stuff. Will collapses and is rushed to Hawkins Lab, where a bunch of useless old white dudes repeatedly tell Mama Joyce they have no idea what's wrong with him.
39. Finally, Dr. Owens figures out that oh, maybe there's a chance that Will has been possessed by the mother shadow monster from the Upside Down, and they shouldn't actually be roasting those gruesome baby vine creatures like s'mores. Cool. Nice doing business with you, Dr. O.
40. Now on to punk rock Eleven. Because important.
41. Holy Demogorgon, PUNK ROCK ELEVEN IS SUCH A BADASS. The rest of the strangely clunky storyline from Ep. 7 aside (although I was getting serious young Magneto vibes during the train telekinesis scene, let me tell you), punk rock Eleven can get it. Eyeliner and all.
42. Plus, she'd give the X-Men a run for their money, TBH.
43. I'm going to go ahead and posit that the most important thing that happened all episode is that Eleven finally heads home to Hawkins. Oh, and subjects 001-007, not to mention 009 and 010, will surely make epic appearances in later seasons. Yeah, I'm into it.
44. And now for the main event, where the bloodthirsty Demo-Dog attack at Hawkins Lab has Jurassic Park written all over it. YES. Just yes.
45. Guys, we should all know better than to scream "They can't get in!" and then foolishly make a run for the elevator when flesh-eating demons from another dimension attack. The elevator, of all places. C'mon. Amateurs.
46. Also, Will is clearly a spy for the shadow monster RN. It's fine. No big deal or anything.
47. So much love for Samwise Bob the Brain at this moment, playing the hero because he's the only one who knows BASIC (Beginner's All-purpose Symbolic Instruction Code). What, you mean there's no app for that?
48. And how vintage! A clunky old computer that has to be manually overridden for the entire operating system to reboot. Imagine not being able to just turn your iPhone on and off when it gets a little glitchy. Hey, it is 1984.
49. Sigh. Bob, you almost made it.
50. Once our favorite ragtag band of troublemakers magically gets back together, the kids come to an agreement: In order to end the madness, the interdimensional "gate" to the Upside Down must be closed. (Also, we know Hawkins is a small town, but is there no one else present –– like, at all –– and panicking about the two savage monster attacks that have just occurred? Hmm.)
51. Will later corroborates this with Morse code (how else?), proving to everyone that he's still somehow in there despite being possessed. Brave little soul, that one.
52. And to close the gate, who are we gonna call? Ghost–– Eleven, who chooses this moment to make her dramatic entrance, of course!
53. No, but seriously, the moment when Mike and Eleven first see –– and make eyes at –– each other after a year's forced separation is nothing short of legendary. We're reminded, again, that these are just kids (and kids with incredible acting chops, for that matter). Such an emotionally charged scene.
54. The emotion continues in Hopper's cabin in the woods, in which the shadow demon is successfully exorcised from Will's teeny body. FINALLY. Bye, Felicia.
55. Meanwhile, Billy Hargrove is out on the prowl. When he shows up itching for a fight, Steve lands a few solid punches, but ultimately gets his ass handed to him (we still love you, Steve). Max comes to the rescue by nearly castrating her older stepbrother in the most satisfying way possible. Tell 'em, girl.
56. Max and the boys then, naturally, steal Billy's ride and go careening off at high speeds. Soon enough, they're back at the desiccated pumpkin patch and ready to descend into the creepy overgrown tunnels, despite Steve's understandably heated protests.
57. V important: Dustin and Dart have a heartfelt and nougat-filled reunion. The rest of the Demo-Dogs disappear off to Hawkins Lab, where Eleven and Sheriff Hops heroically attempt to close the gate.
58. In what is perhaps the most powerfully wrought scene of the season, Eleven, with her adopted dad by her side, manages to effectively close the gate to the Upside Down and save the day. Again. And we love every single minute of it.
59. But the most important scene of the entire season, by far, is the one in which Nancy redeems herself –– well, almost –– from her continued series of Inexplicably Bad Life Decisions, by swooping Dustin from the clutches of social suicide middle school dance rejection. Too. Freaking. Cute.
60. Also going to go ahead and point out that we'd dance with you anytime, Dustin. Never underestimate the irresistible nature of the pearls.
61. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait a second. Is that what we think it is? The shadow monster lurking overhead, ready to throw Hawkins into otherworldly chaos once again? Only now we have to wait until Season 3 comes out to find out what will happen next. Nooooo.