7 Things You're Tired of Hearing If You Still Live with Your Parents
Because it's not fun sleeping in a twin bed, no matter how hard our tight smile tries to convince you otherwise.
It's never a fun day when you find yourself on your parents' doorsteps in your mid-twenties, your life in shambles and packed away into the cardboard boxes in your second-hand car. Life got a little tough and you've moved back to your parents' house to draft the next game plan. But while you're in the middle of getting it all together, you have the fun job of fielding everyone's good-natured (but still-kinda-dumb) questions on how life is back in the ol' childhood room.
Some of you get the struggle, and some of you are part of the problem. Below are 7 things people who live with their parents are tired of hearing. Feel our pain.
1. Oh Man, I Could Never Survive Being Back At Home. I Don’t Know How You’re Doing It
How am I doing it? I’m broke, that’s how I’m doing it. My stomach couldn’t handle the sodium intake of Ramen noodles any longer and it was either coming home or buying health insurance for the first time in my adult life. It’s not like I had a yearning to see my mom’s disappointed face every morning, so I moved back to satisfy it for the next X amount of months. Come on, man.
2. It Must Be Fun Being Back In Your Old Room
I’m a grown ass woman surrounded by pony figurines, sleeping in a twin bed. That’s not fun, that’s depressing. That’s a quarter-life crisis in the making. That’s the stuff that keeps you up at night, clutching your stuffed elephant close to your chest, trying to figure out where it all went wrong. Was it when Brian dumped me? Was it when I decided to be a Philosophy major? I just don’t know.
But yea, having Legos on deck is pretty fun, to answer your question.
3. So Does Your Mom Do Your Laundry Now? Hah
My mom? Yea no, my mom hates me now. Don’t you understand—I’m the reason she’s got nothing to contribute during her book club/gossip hour anymore. While Martha’s kid just put down a bid for a condo downtown and Bertha’s daughter just moved away to Boston for a dream job, my ma has to sit tight-lipped, pouring herself a questionably large glass of wine, letting her silence tell the neighborhood gals everything: My kid is back to freeloading. I’m making sure to buy the off-brand Pop-tarts as punishment.
4. It must Be Nice Not Having To Pay Bills
Sure it is. But you know what’s not nice? The taste of rock bottom every time you wake up.
5. Doesn’t It Suck Having to Drive in to the City from the Suburbs?
Yes, yes it does. We are both clearly aware of that, so are we just putting salt in my wounds right now or what? Like, “Not only do you have to tell your mom where you’re going when you leave Friday night, but you also have to drive for a long time.” What is the point of your question here, pal?
6. How Do You Bring People Home?
Um, I don’t. I live with my parents. They’re not allowed to know I’m no longer a virgin and that their thousands of dollars spent on my all-girls Catholic tuition has been put to waste. It doesn’t matter that I’m 26. Sister Katherine has laid out all the pros and none of the cons of abstinence and has totally convinced me.
Just kidding. I totally sneak them in through the patio door when mom is sleeping.
Fooled you again!
Guys look at me weird when I tell them we have to drive back an hour to the 'burbs…and that’s usually when they take back the drink they bought me and walk away.
7. When Do You Think You’ll Move Out?
Oh, around the time my scheduled life-changing opportunity comes next week. Did I not tell you about that? I’m expecting that job offer to come knocking down my door somewhere between 10 and 4 on Wednesday, kind of like a Comcast appointment. Hopefully I won’t be in the shower that one moment they decide to show up—hah, that always seems to work out that way, doesn’t it! If I don’t mess it up and miss it you’ll be the first to know. And right after you? My deeply scowling mother.