7 Times You'll Want To Murder Your Travel Buddy In Their Sleep
That hostel pillow just looks like the perfect murder weapon...
You love your friend to pieces but, ah bless, the second she hitches that backpack on you're ready to "accidentally" push her into oncoming traffic. Yes, these are dark thoughts, I know. But you also can't deny that, yes, it would be so satisfying to do. But don't feel guilty over these slightly sociopathic urges - spending 24 hours a day together, seven days a week, can make even the strongest bonds snap with the easiest quibble. (In my case, it was that I didn't want a flippin' clementine croissant, I wanted a chocolate one.)
It's just part of the traveling process. So deep breaths, you'll make up once the haze clears and your vision stops seeing red. But first, let's rant. Here are seven times you'll want to murder your traveling buddy in their sleep:
1. They Want To Eat All The Boring Foods
Let's be honest, traveling is just one giant food tour. If you're in Vietnam you want to stuff all the banh mi sandwiches in all the pockets you have (this is the only time cargo pants would be a blessing,) eat at all the little old lady cao lau stands, and trade in all your quarters for weird street foods that come in little sandwich baggies. When you're in Spain you'll bravely order anything with tentacles and that came from the sea, and when you head over to the Czech Republic you can bet your bottom dollar you'll be seeing if you could get over your aversion over things with names like "cow tongue" and "sheep intestine soup."
But when your bud only wants to eat BLT sandwiches and only points out places that scrawl "We speak English!" on their shop windows, you'll want to thwart her over the head.
2. They Want To Stay In Bed Instead Of Put On Their Shoes
I'm just as into sitting in worn-in sweaters and watching obscure Netflix movies as the next guy, but when your pal opts to jump into her bunk bed for the third night in a row and refuses to go see how the city looks like covered in night and lit up in city lights, murderous thoughts will start crossing your head. Imagine all the local beers you could try, the drunk street food you can sample, the sticky floors you can dance on, and the people you can fall in love with underneath colorful bar lights. Move, woman, move!
3. They Let Their Fears Get In Their Way
They won't climb the hill with you, it's too wet to go out by the sea, they're too nervous to step into red light districts, and think it's too cold to put on your hat and explore winding streets that could either stop in dead ends or open up to castles Oh. My. God. While you try to exercise your patience and walk them through it, there's only so much you can take before pulling them kicking and screaming towards the amazingness.
4. They Won't Get Off The Beaten Path
Okay, yes, Fodors said to go to that restaurant and to go check out that temple and to take pictures of that dusty old building. We can definitely do that, don't you worry. But meet me half way when I suggest we go to that stuffy, smoking jazz club, or that bar that has no electricity and only operates underneath a hundred lit candles, or that castle that you have to walk a mile through the countryside to, or get off the hiking trail and see if the woods are enchanted or not across the river. Just try it, you never know.
5. They Don't Want Some Alone Time
Social exhaustion is a real thing, and wanting some alone time where you don't have to talk, entertain, or discuss is much needed. So when your pal acts offended, worried, or picks a fight over the fact you want to go read a book alone in a cafe for a bit or take some pictures by the water without her by your elbow, you'll have to battle back an eye twitch. And help her understand it's just you needing to reset. And that you pinky promise you won't board the next bus away from her.
6. They Steal Your Stuff
Are you really wearing my only clean shirt right now? And what do you mean you lost my mascara? Is that my necklace around your neck right now? Woman, all you had to do was ask! Now I'm over here on this train plotting your demise, feeling you're like the little sister I wanted to give up to adoption.
7. They Spend Money Like They're An Heiress
Oh, did your dad invent coffee cup cozies and now you have a bank account as big as Bill Gates'? When did that happen? Because I'm slighty alarmed over the fact that you want to take an Uber down the block, have led us into restaurants with white linen tablecloths, frown at the mention of a Metro, and think that hostels are not an appropriate option for you. Because my wallet coughs up dust a little each time I open it, and I'd like to not spend money like I'm a guest at a gold-ceiling hotel in Monacco, you know? Don't get me wrong, I'll meet you halfway and dish some Euros every now and then, but every time? You're killing me, smalls.