How To Tell Your Partner They Need To Step It Up In Bed

See if you can make the situation better, before making a run for it.

No one is born into this world with killer bedroom skills. Being an ace in the sack takes time, practice, and, in most cases, being fortune enough to have a partner who’s willing to help you out along the way. It’s hard to be great in bed if you don’t have someone giving you input to get you to that “awesome in bed” status.

So, while you may be fortunate enough to have been crowned a fantastic lay by whoever decides such things, that doesn’t mean that every person you meet is going to be equally good. You might even come across someone who’s so phenomenal in every way possible, but in bed that it actually becomes your responsibility to lend them a hand, both literally and metaphorically.

Here’s how to tell your partner they need to take things up a notch in bed. It’s always better to see if you can make the situation better first, before just making a run for it.

1. Remember timing is everything.

When you want to tell your partner that they need some work with their sex techniques you want to find the right place and time. You don’t want to bring it up after they’ve had a long day at work, throw it in their face during a heated argument, or mention it while you’re mid-sex, because um, awkward. Instead, set aside time where you can discuss it without interruptions in a neutral setting so it doesn’t feel like you have the upper hand. You want them to know this isn’t about being mean or hurtful, but about being honest and teaching them things that will hopefully last a lifetime.

2. Sandwich the bad between two compliments.

The problem with critiquing someone is they’re more likely to not just hear the criticism louder, but linger on it, too. It’s just the way humans are. So if you make sure to give your partner a compliment about where they really excel then tell them something that needs some work, but bring it back to a positive tone with another compliment, they won’t feel like you’re attacking them, and the compliments will out number the criticisms.

3. Give your partner a chance to critique, too.

OK, so this is where you need to give a little to your partner — throw them a bone so to speak. While you may be quite certain that you couldn’t possibly be any better in bed and maybe even highly doubt that your partner has anything bad to say about you skills, you still want to give them a chance to express their thoughts, too. You don’t want to make it feel like a lecture, but rather a conversation. A conversation means letting each side have the floor.

4. Stress the importance of foreplay.

For a lot of women, one of the major complaints when it comes to sex is that their partner (especially male partners) doesn’t invest adequate time in foreplay. Foreplay is a really important part of sex because, unlike men, women don’t get aroused in five seconds flat. In addressing how much of a difference foreplay makes on not just your physical body, but your state of mind, (you know, from a biological standpoint), you’re not only giving your partner a lesson in the female anatomy that they need, but it won’t feel like you’re scolding them as much as you’re educating them.

5. Take the lead.

Sometimes communicating with words just isn’t enough and you need to communicate with actions. Whether you opt for role-play or taking the lead by giving directions every step of the way, then that’s what you need to do. If you make it into a sexy game, your partner will be learning the lessons you’re trying to teach them without even realizing it. Learning is supposed to be fun, especially when it’s about sex.