5 Compliments Women Are Tired of Hearing
Not all compliments are created equal.
When used sparingly and appropriately, compliments can be great. There’s nothing better than getting props for totally killing a project at work, or hosting an incredible party, or rocking a pair of stilettos (that would make a less majestic woman fall flat on her face) like it’s nobody’s business.
But not all compliments are created equal. It's really easy to spot disingenuous compliments, and it’s especially transparent when a guy overuses compliments, as if they’re fast passes into a girl’s pants. For the record, telling me I have pretty eyes, and a great butt, and cool taste in music is not quite enough to get me to go home with you (even though they’re definitely all true thank you very much). When compliments are dished out in volume like that they start to lose all their meaning.
What’s even worse than compliments that don’t actually mean anything are compliments that aren’t compliments at all. You know the type: backhanded compliments that sound nice until you think about them.
I know mom always told you not to say anything at all if you didn’t have anything nice to say, but that really shouldn’t be taken as a license to say not nice things and pretend they were nice.
Let’s all agree to stop giving each other the following “compliments”:
1. “You look great! Have you lost weight?”
Women are guilty of saying this one to each other all the time, and there’s so much wrong with it. First of all, it sort of translates like: “thank God you bought that elliptical because you were really starting to look like a fat cow.” And second of all, it puts way too much of a premium on thinness. As it is we’re constantly inundated with messages that we’re not thin enough to be pretty, we definitely don’t need that same vitriol coming from our friends.
2. “Your hair looks awesome like that! You should straighten it more often.”
Okay, this one only applies to girls with curly/kinky/wavy hair, but all this “compliment” is saying is: “your hair looks so much better when apply chemicals or heat to it to make it look more like the white standard of beauty I’m used to seeing. Please continue to spend time and money on changing the natural texture of your hair.”
3. “You're actually much smarter than you look.”
THIS, though. Like, are we really not at a historical moment where we can recognize that the binary between smart and pretty is completely made up? Ugh.
4. “You’re going to make a great wife.”
Actually, you’re going to be great whether or not you define yourself in relation to another person, male or female.
5. “You look so great when you get dressed up I barely recognized you!”
Because normally I look like the love child between Cousin It and a middle-aged sea squid. I get it, cool, thanks.