Primetime Fashion: Bachelor Recap Episode Four

Primetime Fashion: Bachelor Recap Episode Four

In honor of the recent Oscar nominations, we’d like to open this Bachelor recap with an Artist-inspired argument in favor of silent entertainment, in the form of an excerpt from Bachelor Ben and Rachel’s one-on-one canoeing date.
Primetime Fashion: Bachelor Recap Episode Four
Rachel: “It’s so nice.”
Ben: “It’s so romantic.”
Rachel: “It is.” (Pause) “This is nice.”
Ben: “That’s a beaver dam.”
Rachel: “Oh yeah.”
Ben: “See it?”

Compelling stuff. Arguably even more exciting than Rachel’s special date outfit: a white ribbed tank top with jeans and a striped cardigan. Don’t try that one at home ladies, she is, after all, a professional.

Primetime Fashion: Bachelor Recap Episode FourFortunately things picked up from there, thanks to an episode that proved to be shrouded in mystery: From Kacie B.’s hint that she used to be in the witness protection program (“He makes me feel like me, and that’s someone I haven’t been in a long time,” she revealed) to the murky question of what Ben does exactly, besides being an outdoorsy winery guy. “I never really know where I’m going to be,” he cautioned Jennifer, post crater-drop. “I need a relationship that’s flexible.” (So Ben’s either a swinger or, as we’ve long suspected, he’s actually Rafael Nadal and he was talking about the Australian Open. Think about it. Have you ever seen them both in the same place?)

Even the show itself proved to be an enigma, eluding both Samantha and Jennifer, with the Primetime Fashion: Bachelor Recap Episode Four
former wondering if her Bachelor contestantship was broken (“I feel like I should already have a ring on my finger” she confessed, before being asked to leave) and the latter becoming smitten with the person she thought was responsible for her impromptu Clay Walker concert: “It makes me feel really special that Ben would put this together for me,” she gushed. Oh honey, if it’s promotional music placement that’s won your heart, we think you’re in love with someone else. Nope, not Chris Harrison either. You’ll get there.

Primetime Fashion: Bachelor Recap Episode FourMoving onto the fashion nods: Best Accesorized went to Casey S., who was also responsible for the episode’s obligatory bombshell—revealing herself to be Courtney’s secret gal pal. “She’s awesome around me,” she testified to the horror-stricken Emily. Casey S. is, of course, an unreliable witness, since this is now officially the second time we’ve ever seen her, but we’ll overlook it thanks to her stunning black and silver braided double-strand necklace, layered over an eye-poppingly short, 60s-inspired bell-sleeved rose minidress. To quote her alleged bestie: Winning!

As for Best Dressed full stop: Emily couldn’t rise above it all when it Primetime Fashion: Bachelor Recap Episode Fourcame to trash talking evil
seduction genius Courtney to Ben, but she did trounce Courtney’s flouncy LBD and Jamie’s aqua sequin-fest with a glamorous one-shouldered silver lamé cocktail number, embellished with a glittering rhinestone shoulder brooch and finished with a Lana Turner–style side sweeping ponytail. Classy. Let’s hope she’s got more where that one came from, including a wardrobe that makes up for missing attributes—just in case Courtney has her way and "rips her head off” or “shaves her eyebrows in the middle of the night.” Such a sweetie that one.

We can’t wait to see what happens in Puerto Rico next week. Maybe we’ll ask Courtney for a sneak preview, since, as she promptly reminded everyone, she’s already been there.