True Life: I'm a Sleep-talker

I talk in my sleep pretty darn often.

True Life: I'm a Sleep-talker

It's time I confess it to the whole, wide world: I am a sleep-talker. Many of my friends and my boyfriend can attest to the fact that I'm prone to chatting while asleep. I've known it for a long time — it's fine, whatever, it's kind of funny. Sometimes I'll vaguely remember the conversation and/or monologue when I'm inevitably told about it the next morning. But I've never actually heard myself talking while asleep (because I'm asleep, duh). When my boyfriend and I moved in together, I asked him to record it if it ever happened when he was awake and alert enough to grab his phone.

So he did.

In this recording, I'm babbling about 100 miles and shoes and getting defensive and annoyed when he questions me further.

It's nonsense, nothing of importance. I'm not blabbing stock tips or homeland security secrets (both of those instances would be pretty amazing, since I know no such tips or secrets). It's actually kind of amusing; I laughed when I heard the recording the next day.

But it left me feeling uneasy — not the fact that I was recorded; I asked my boyfriend to do so and I was curious and glad to hear what Sleeping Me sounds like — but the fact that it happened at all, and still happens with some regularity. It was very odd to hear my voice saying words I had no recollection of saying or even thinking about saying. Was that really me? How is that possible?

It feels like my body or mind is betraying me somehow. I can have a whole conversation and not even remember it in the morning. How is that fair? It's like being so drunk you say and do stupid stuff — but I have no control over whether or not I enter the state I'm in. I can choose to get drunk, then say silly things and not remember. I don't have a whole lot of choice re: whether or not I go to sleep. I need to sleep. Every night.

The National Sleep Foundation identifies sleep talking as mostly harmless, though it may "annoy a bed partner...or be disruptive in group-sleeping situations" (LOL to that hilarious phrasing). And they're right (the time that I sleep-walked to the kitchen and returned to place a Ziplock bag on my nightstand, well, that's a different story...though ultimately still harmless). I'm not in danger. I'm not talking about anything important (and apparently, sleep-talking is widely considered inadmissible in court, so...that's good?).

So, yes, it's irksome, but on the whole, not harmful or scary or dangerous. Going forward, I think I'd rather not hear the disembodied voice that sounds like me but can't be me. No more recordings. And if and when I hear reports of what I said while asleep, I'll focus on the funny side of things — and not focus on how it's just plain weird.

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